Monday, February 28, 2011

College girls I do not like he wanted to attract his attention

 User question:
I am a senior at a Beijing university student, girl, I feel your blog is very warm, you are also very professional, although there are too many people are concerned to see it, presumably like to your needs help a lot of people a lot, but I still try, do not know your busy work will not see my e-mail, of course, but thanks anyway! This summer I experienced a feeling, I do not know not qualified to be love, because first of all it is very short, starting from the ambiguous, may be more ambiguous my right side, from the ambiguous to be almost a month together, together, to I offered from the separation of almost a half months.
our first time, like others have had past experiences, have not talked about love, it is also very deadly thing, really are not, do not understand. He and I were classmates, allow I'm talking about from his outside, not look down, not secular, is really no way to be ignored. He probably looks like a meter 54, looks very general, or another than almost. This is the most seems unacceptable, at least in love with. I'm a meter 64, a moderate level of the girls in it. we often play badminton together, so slowly cooked, and then in the Q on the crazy chat, chat history is amazing, my classmates said he and his girlfriend did not this year 3 months before our chats and more. because we all found a friend that is also willing to say a lot of confidences, and later began to send text messages at night before bed, hair late into the night, I did know quite normal, but two people are not meant to stop.
way home once I talked with him using a mobile phone Q, I said we are cool for some time, and I feel very normal, and said I'm not doing this for fear of vision, I mean the cold is not the old school to sit with the old text messaging or something. things could have been here, and back to no, but I made one, that Actually, you do so good to me, I really do not deserve to be so good to me. that is very ambiguous, as if deliberately deliberately recruit people like that to someone else. that he felt very distressed and decided to tell me to return to my said, do not say yourself, you deserve whatever I do, I do not mind how you feel, I like everything about you. He personally told me that I was not too positive answer, at least not rejected, now I wonder if the attitude was very clearly there would be no behind. but it was indeed the first time in a girl like some say in their own satisfaction, which I admit, and although it gathered, but also maintains the relationship between friends.
Then, after a week or so, I said to try to accept him. He moved not. because he said that he thought I said that I care about this. two days later has been very unhappy because they feel they are forced by their own spoken words, and my heart is not happy, he saw it, and after a few days he said he wanted to clear, he did not want to force me, or back to the original state it, he just wish I could be happy, I'm happy he was happy . was just in time for the Dragon Boat Festival, we went to the zoo, only two of us were, that day is very pleased that the release of some, and finally do not have so much pressure, the day stay in our mind a really good memory, although for me is to force himself from start to finish, I knew that, but did not realize the seriousness. coupled with approval from the other side is his, he told me good, and we are friends with each other very close friends. I mean the force himself, just outside of his hand, more of his people. with him, while his character gave me a lot of pressure, while very warm and very confidant. This is a contradiction, I myself is a very contradictory individual.
chat text messages the night, he sent me, mentioned, but then still chatting about anything else, and then he said I was so good that he could not bear me to others, as the girls that moved it, and finally I said I might really like you, of course, this is not ambiguous There really like it. and then be the official start of the bar. leave the final days before the first kiss, that he requested, we will not, have not had experience. but afterwards I was very upset, kept his head down, He also think it is cute, I think I was actually forced himself.
because a boy was accidentally hit me throw pillows, and he apologized hard so I asked people to do this thing I was shocked. and then leave The day before I'm actually very self-respect and his building in the school that spent the whole night. I know this is shameless, but I really do, and two individuals did not mention the dormitory to sleep in his arms Wake up to sleep one night, and I said I love you when they are However, I will take the initiative to tell him how how unhappy.
In fact, many behavior is provocative to say it bluntly, I think I can use this word, before I always thought he was a good man, but it is, I realize that I actually far as they want, no exaggeration to say that I am evil. Then drag the 2,3 weeks, which makes him very painful, for me, his tears have been shed, and finally separated . I know say that it is very casual, but I know I just do not want to be with him, and kind of get rid of the feeling. He said there would be no problem later, said he always respected the idea, only hope I will be happy. Although he was suffering, but no further force anything.
school now, and will see him once per week, and I have learned with a smile and greeted him. Although my heart is still in a classroom will be uncomfortable, but what has not. Recently I found out they can not accept the fact that I already have had someone else's addiction provocative, I will, when in his deliberate changes in the online personal signature to show his unhappiness, deliberately There are some dynamic, issued to the log of what he saw, he wanted attention. in a classroom I would want him to notice me, pay attention to my special. it can also be called vanity, in short, is evil. I remember in his arms When I deliberately pretended to sleep. hate fake people, but found himself one day become such. and he is very simple, he did not know I was so evil. in his heart I will always be beautiful, good .
I want to hear your views on this incident, and can tell you that how can I stop doing something so evil? I really know is wrong, although the number of no use to say, but also know that people It is important that self-acceptance, but now let me self-acceptance is no way. He was hurt much more than I, look forward to reply! Cheers!
Tao Sixuan Teacher Q & A:
Hello. long letter from you, see you are a sensitive and attentive girl, thank you for sharing.
According to my assessment, no doubt, existed in the past between you and him was like and the resulting to friendship. Even as the current state, can not deny the good he had.
love and friendship are usually produced for the four factors:
First you have favorable conditions for close to each other, the two sides can continue to reveal themselves, self-exposure to contact each other and feel each other's love.
second is physical attractiveness, this for you, have less effect, but also what you said to force himself, his foreign in is one thing. In everyday life, people actually willing to choose those who generally quite attractive with their people to become friends or lovers. (or the other charming qualities, but have other compensatory)
third one is the two sides in attitudes, beliefs and values of similarity, will greatly enhance the likes of one party against another.
fourth, we are likely, and those who like to establish friendship between our people.
but you not really love his emotion, love and like to have three major differences:
attachment: the parties involved feel lonely love, it will highly specific way to find each other to accompany and comfort with, and like objects not use the same effect.
Altruism: Love will be a high degree of concern for each other between the emotional state of happiness and joy that the other side is her duty, the other is inadequate, it will also show a high degree of relationship Wing. the most self-centered, selfish person, in love, will show some understanding, tolerance, caring and selfless.
close: the two sides of love, not only for each other a high degree of emotional dependence, but also the demand for physical contact, sexual love is the foundation of the core elements of love.
because I think you fell in love with love itself, and this person was just possible to make your feelings of love's release carrier (of course the carrier have to let you enjoy, and have the possibility on your side) so you do not love him and just needed to enjoy yourself immersed in the emotional experience of love. so you will where to sleep, I also deliberately pretended ~ hate fake people, but found himself one day become such. , but still accepted him, and he should not be so handled properly has caused damage, so they wanted to distinguish the selected object, even choose a , not to despise, not weight, such infamous hat casually to buckle themselves, to their many negative effects. You're only young sprout like to tease the normal psychological reactions are different for each individual occurred in sensitive individuals who may experience even more strongly that some (different people have different venting methods, such as masturbation, sports, fantasy, distraction, etc.). because such feelings do not find the exit, So you will continue to fantasy love with love itself, without realizing it, (in fact, women are often themselves and their love, but as long as is not clearly known nor) even though he has passed, but your subconscious is still not with him completely separated, still want the He saw, wanted him to attention. in a classroom I would want him to notice me, pay attention to my special. The.
young sprout, impulses are normal and healthy physical and physiological responses, do not give him the moral stigma marked. As we grow, we will find a lot of life, export, we can increase its own charm to attract love We also like people we can also take the initiative to pursue people who we like, you can also committed to self growth and spiritual experience, you can also develop their own interests and career, education, and enjoy the fun of single life, in any case, Until one day, you meet people you really like, you will find the emotional experience now will be wiped out, even provocative, but also full of fun and happiness, not as they are now full of guilt feelings. < br> Photo reprinted
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